by Just Tim

We gathered July 15th at the Inn Complete and the beer started to flow (Yeah Beer!). The amount of hashers was incredible with lots of virgin – fresh meat for the taking. In total, 68 brave souls (or is its soles?) decided that even 90+ degree heat would not deter them from the hares’ course (as laid by Pubic Offender, Just Chris and Just Chris). First leg to the first BN was up a deer trail on the Skytop hillside forest with the beer being hidden behind the cell tower (high class this time, there was Heineken!). After the Beer Near, some soared like eagles and others trotted like turkeys as we made our way down the tower hill towards the semi storage area and onto the quarry. Even though it was marked as a Song Check, we all decided the quarry would make a great backdrop for a Picture Check (photo #6 on the Pictures page). From there we went down a rough trail to the next BN where the liquids flowed and Slip lead us in The Days of the Week.  From there on we went down some pretty steep drops and through a swampy area to the boob and package checks which pretty much were ignored and sprinted/ran/jogged/walked down Rockcut Rd to Circle and the On-After.

Having driving by the bar many times,  I always thought Candy’s Hillside looked like a bar from a Rob Zombie flick – but it wasn’t bad. We were greeted by hot dogs, sausage, macaroni salad, chips and of course FREE FLOWING BEER!!!!!!! Circle was brief but festive (right down to Kickstand drinking out of his new orange sneakers while we sang a hearty chorus of “A Soldier”). It was then made public that Kicky said that the bar’s was a strip club and the on-after would entail a pole dancing contest. Many tried, a few succeeded,  but the judges had fun and we all had a good laugh. Some almost even brought the house down as the pole rocked back and forth and finally fell apart. After being repaired, more brave souls filled out the waiver (I guess chanting “It’s my own fucking fault” is not legally binding) and put on a show. Some of us will never look at pepperoni the same way again, as that 2 foot long stick saw more action during the dance contest than a two dollar hooker on dollar beer night. At least the pepperoni was wrapped for everyone’s protection and nothing got transmitted. After the contest (who won? Who really cares, we all won I guess) we all exchanged tales and got to know each other a little better. See you all next week!

To be sang to the Double Chex advertising jingle:

I I love love muddy muddy checks checks
Better better than than all the rest rest
Slosh slosh splash splash on on ons
Muddy muddy checks checks hash hash down-downs

-Respectfully Submitted by Cum Fu Fister

Namings: Beemer Creamher and Sister Handjob

Post Standard Entertainment Report Katrina Tulloch joined us for the 80s Run at Fleet Feet and wrote the following. Link here, and copied below just in case the Post removes it 🙂

Collectively, this group is called a kennel and tonight their running theme is the 1980s.

Individually, they are neon-clad joggers of all ages, dressed like backup dancers from a Wham! music video, and they are infiltrating a suburban neighborhood in East Syracuse.

Two burly guys in short-shorts jump in shimmering puddles around the quiet street, splashing mud on the calves of their fellow joggers. They shriek, laugh and spank each other.

A middle-aged woman drives past, slowly. She stares blankly at them from her minivan.

At the front of the pack is a tall, dark and 20-something, sporting zebra-print leggings. A Lauper-blonde wig soaks up sweat on his forehead and stays put even after running three miles.

He beckons the kennel to a nearby cemetery, where the beer is hidden. He knows this, since he helped hide it there a few hours ago. Everyone follows him toward the gravestones. About 20 minutes later, someone finds a clue and yells the magic words:

“Beer near!”

For the Syracuse On-On-Dog-A Hash House Harriers and Harriettes (SOH4), this translates to “mission accomplished.” They crack open their second beer cooler of the night and do what they do best.

Welcome to the Hash House

Every Monday at 6 p.m., this “drinking club with a running problem” meets at a random place in or around Syracuse to run a 3-4 mile course chosen by a select few members, called “hares.” The course is a mystery, complete with false leads, clues and beer stops along the way.

“It’s a mixture of a scavenger hunt, a 5K and Beer Olympics,” said Christine, a 28-year-old professional living in Syracuse. “We range in age from 21 to early 60s. We have people who are good runners. We have people who are good drinkers. We have a really good mix.”

The hounds of the Syracuse kennel run anywhere their hares lead them, including through cemeteries, six-foot-high shrubbery and sewage. On Monday, July 1, the run, called a “hash,” seemed to include all three.

Between puddle-jumping and occasionally spanking each other, the runners kept their eyes on the ground, searching for clues marked with flour. They followed flour dots and coded symbols to find cold beer and spiked iced tea hidden in an old barn.

“Usually a 30-pack is hidden, sometimes in bags and coolers, or in sewage drains,” Christine said. “Sometimes they get stolen, because you set it at a high school. That was a bad day. There was no beer.”

The gang stopped to guzzle down their treasure, while Christine led the group in an X-rated drinking song.

The songs grew progressively raunchier as the night waxed on. They’re the kind of songs you hear at rugby games or fraternity houses. A universal hash hymnal is adopted by each kennel.

Having fun seems to matter much more to this group than getting fit. Hash runs are noncompetitive and the club doesn’t take kindly to “racist bastards.”

“We have a ‘no racism’ clause, which means if you run marathons, bully for you,” Christine said. “We don’t talk about that here. You can’t wear your ‘I completed an ‘Ironman’ T-shirt.’ Like, don’t wear that to a hash. That’s not cool.”

That Monday, some people did wear marathon T-shirts and were “punished” with a few more rounds to drink at the end of the hash. Lesson learned.

Hash History

The current Syracuse Hash House was founded in the summer of 2012 by John Cressey, who started hashing 13 years ago in Cincinnati, Ohio. He started on Cinco de Mayo, where the harriers (runners) drank margaritas between jogs.

“We ended up drinking in a park next to a church revival meeting,” said Cressey, 45.

Cressey reignited the defunct hash chapter in Syracuse and drew 25 people to the first run on August 13, 2012. They ran throughout the fall and winter, and kicked off their summer season on April 1.

Hash houses exist internationally, thanks to a group of down-trodden British expats stationed in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia in 1938. The troops started a scavenger hunt to boost morale on their runs, based on an old English game called Hare and Hounds.

One of the officers, A.S. Gispert, called the group the “Hash House Harriers” since the scavenger hunts led troops to their mess hall, known as the “hash house.” The troops would end the hash singing songs and drinking beer, as people still do today.

“While some people assume we are a club for smoking dope, that is not the case,” Cressey said.

Kuala Lumpur is the mecca for hashers, and many strive to make a hash pilgrimage there. Gispert was later killed in the war, but clubs around the world celebrate his birthday every year. Hashing is particularly popular in the army and troops returning to Fort Drum often make the trek to the Syracuse club.

Today there are more than 2,000 registered Hash House Harrier clubs around the world.

Hash Nicknames

At a Syracuse hash, you might have the pleasure of meeting Dr. Drinks Alone, Professor Crash Pants, Doggie Down-Down, Running Commentary, One Trick Dick, Strictly Sausage, Tough Knees, Teat Tease and Mr. Stiffy.

“You have absolutely no say in your name,” said Christine, who will henceforth be referred to by her hash name “Slip ‘n Swallow” or just Slip. “The kennel picks it. It’s a rite of passage.”

Some get unfortunate names, for unfortunate reasons. One guy in SOH4 was named “Chunks and Dunks” a few weeks ago. There’s a hasher in Rochester named “Diarrhea” because “he’s fast.”

John Cressey was hash-baptized as “Pubic Offender” after he was nearly arrested for drinking in public with an open container during the Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon.

Many people in SOH4 know each other only by their hash names. They wear nickname necklaces, strung together with the kind of alphabet beads you see on middle school girls. And they wear them proudly.

Serious Runners vs. Serious Drinkers

Slip, who ran her first 5K race in 2011, doesn’t consider herself a “serious runner.” In fact, she said, several people on the team don’t regularly run in organized races.

In fact, don’t even call this a team.

“A team makes us sound way too organized,” Slip said. “This really is all word-of-mouth and availability. There’s no attendance. There’s no order. It is what it is. As long as the hares show up, that’s all that really matters. And the beer. As long as there’s beer.”

Attendance ebbs and flows at hash runs. Sometimes five people show up for a hash, sometimes 50 do. And a wide variety of people come to hashes for a wide variety of reasons.

“There are people who are training for their first run and there are marathoners,” Slip said. “We have a lot of people who just do it as a way to feel OK about drinking as much beer as they do. And there’s people who just like to come out and meet new people.”

Despite their slogan “drinking club with a running problem” is a funny slogan, people who don’t drink still come. There’s water and soda at every beer stop on the hash.

Sister Kennels

SOH4’s sister kennels in Rochester and Ithaca gave Syracuse pointers when it restarted. One tip Syracuse adopted from its sisters — keep hashing off Facebook.

“Everything is on Facebook today,” Slip said. “Sometimes you want something where you don’t need to explain it everybody.”

But it certainly doesn’t mean hashers have trouble [finding] each other.

Peter Dady a.k.a. Kickstand has been hashing for about three years and likes how he can find hashes nearly anywhere.

In Central New York, Kickstand bounces between Syracuse and Ithaca kennels. He went one day early to a Seattle trip last week so he could hash with the Puget Sound Hashers. He’s hashed in Denver when he visits his son in Colorado.

“They’re accepting,” said Kickstand, who hails from Cortland, N.Y. “Once you tell people you’re hashing, you can come into the group and they just embrace you.”

Who does this?

According to the SOH4 website, these are the people you can expect to meet at your first hash:

• People in worse shape than you.
• People who drink more than you.
• People who sing more stupid songs than you.
• People who tell more dirty jokes than you.
• Your new best friends.

Pubic Offender says hashing is for people who have a sense of adventure, a sense of humor and who don’t take themselves too seriously.

Slip calls the Syracuse kennel the most eclectic group you could see.

“You’re talking about people who are lawyers, doctors, engineers and highly-respected individuals,” she said. “And they’re down to drink and run and tell dirty jokes just as much as anybody else.”

To be sung to the tune of Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra:

Love and Down-Downs, Love and Down-Downs
Go together like hashing and downtown
This I tell you mother, its not your “ass” dad wants its the other

Love and Down-Downs, Love and Down-Downs
Cum in quickly or the alarm will surely sound.
Ask the local sorority and they will say its “like,totally”

Hares, hares tried to illustrate them… in this procession
Vir…gins trail and they have only cum …
to mass confusion.

Love and marriage, love and marriage.
Go together like Professor Average
A formal group like no other. You cant just cum,
You cant just cum,
You cant just cum without your lover.

AMEN

Respectfully submitted,
Cum Fu Fister

It’s the 7th inning stretch and we’re pleased to bring you today’s rehash: Sweet Hashing Times! Sing the following to Sweet Caroline wearing your best baseball jersey!

Where it began,
We can’t begin to knowin’
But then the hashers found the park
Was in the spring
And spring became the summer
There wasn’t much shiggy in the park.

Balls, kickin’ balls
Cookin’ out, touchin’ weiners, touchin’ you
Sweet Hashing Times
Good times never seemed so good
I’ve been inclined
To believe they never would
But now I, look at the beers
And it don’t seem so lonely
When half-minds drink on the field.

And at circle,
Hurtin’ runs off our shoulders
Because we ran out of beer
Balls, kickin’ balls
Cookin’ out, touchin’ weiners, touchin’ you
Sweet Hashing Times
Good times never seemed so good
I’ve been inclined,
To believe they never would
Oh, no, no

Sweet Hashing Times
Good times never seemed so good
Sweet Hashing Times
I believe they never could
Sweet Hashing Times………

Special shout out to newly named Chunks and Dunks!

Respectfully submitted,
Dr. Drinks Alone (except Mondays)

Today’s rehash is sung to the tune of Gilligan’s Island theme song (view here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfSLuEj99d0)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trail
That started from this marina
Nearby a lot of ships

Just Keith was a mighty sailing man
PA was brave and sure
Led hashers to the trail that day
For a two mile run (a two mile run)

As the pack started spreading out
The DFLs were lost
As their hope was fading, look up ahead!
The beer near in the swamp (the beer near in the swamp)

The pack sat down on the shore of this uncharted swampy lake
Cum Fu Fister
With her floaties
Just Ezra too took a dive
Back on the shore
Just Rick told jokes and Slippy sang
As beers were tossed right back

Continue the tale of the half-minded
They ran for a long, long time
Try’ng to keep up with Just Duncan
On an old green bridge

As PCP was close to done
A surprise for all to see
Beer stashed in a boat at the dock
Near the inviting water’s edge

Now Turtle, now Doggie, now Just Kim
And a reluctant Pleasantly
Jumped right into the water
As Just Matt almost dies

On-On to circle went the kennel
Being kicked out of their spot
All freezing in the parking lot
Here at Monday’s hash

Not to the same tune but should be included, there were two namings:
Just Scott: Upper Decker Wrecker
Just Keith: Captain Cock Cummander

Respectfully submitted,
Slip and Swallow

Today at the hash I learned…

Wednesday is Free Cuntry‘s favorite day.
Running Commentary has been to more countries than I’ve been to cities.
Magical Dick Slit has never been to a strip club or a wedding (please take him).
Some virgins are cooler than others, and actually finish the trail.
The debate about dick slits vs dick holes lives on.
One Trick Dick‘s dick has multiple tricks.
Pineapple makes cum fruity.
Ass Full of White Man has a doppelgänger, right down to the bandana.
Mudman makes an excellent spider web buster when running through drainage pipes.
In drainage pipes, the water is cold, floor is slippery and it’s dark.
Tough Knees is not above auto-hashing.
PO didn’t live close enough to school to get free busing.
Lopsided Labia and Virginator called each other before getting dressed this morning.
Crossingwalks only mean stop if Cum Fu Fister isn’t in it.
Deer can hop fences with ease.
Cum and Feel It makes a mean wiener.
There is indeed a bulldog statue at Nottingham High School.
After sex, men pee to one side (I’m taking a poll on this, men. Are you a left or a right?)
Diarrhea is really fast. I’d like to see him and 60 Seconds or Less go at it.
Pink Penalty knows how to pull a successful disappearing trick.
Arrows = dots for really stupid hashers.
Someone else is going to need to take up the Rehash torch for the entire months of June and July.

Mondays continue to be glorious!

Respectfully submitted,
Slip and Swallow

An acrostic for our Flour Conservation Hash…

Frosty conditions met our hashers on this the 24^th Hash of SOH4 in Clay Park, May 13, 2013

Loudly their teeth clattered as hares Ass Full of White Man and Just Matteo gave chalk talk

Only the Turtle-sized penis with Turtle-sized balls drawn in flour gave our kennel pause

Unknowing virgins three introduced themselves, unaware of the calamity that was to befall them

Rochester’s own Virginator and Lopsided Labia were welcomed as guests as the kennel set off

Covering ground quickly, the hashers run into the shiggy, in search of beer, shots and flour

On the lookout for the scarcely-laid flour, they fight off prickers and vines and splash through mud

Now, what’s this, the pack soon finds the promised Shot Stop behind a playground set

Slugging back blackberry brandy, they fulfilled Stiffy Lube’s song assignment in an atrocious manner

Emerging from his tree perch, PA joined the pack as flour led them across a road into a neighborhood

Riotous laughter by our hares interrupted our quest, as they call us back into the right direction

Very soon there was another surprise: beer!! found at the BN in an apocalyptic-looking field

Appearing late to the BN were some sorry hashers who followed two dots to nothingness…

To the next BN we go! Foiled soon after by a very long BC8 that fools us all into running quite a long way

Into the land of the power lines we run, and find the second promised beer cooler! Hashers pee with joy

Over the last stretch to On-In, Just Matteo helps Tough Knees by promptly dropping her into the creek

Nearby, stupid hashers follow a stupid hare and stupid Kickstand, into a chilly ankle-deep swamp

Here we come to circle, hashers in various states of coldness, wetness, and smelliness

As Slip pathetically doles accusations and attempts to lead the kennel in drinking songs

Sun sets and cold sets deeper as Just Matteo is interviewed and named: introducing Weak Knees

Happy, filthy hash dog Lincoln becomes Puddle Humper, and Vomit Comet eats flour cum in joy

…And the Hash went in peace

Respectfully submitted,

Slip and Swallow

Hasher needed to write this rehash.