Nummer Eins Re hash for Oktobeeeerfest 2013!!!!! Syracuse-onondaga-Hash Hause Harriers and Harriettes (please read to yourself outloud in a German accent, it sounds funner)
At 169pm a group of hashers found themselves in circle as hares Cummando Cobbler, Golden Snowball and Fleshlight introduced themselves as ‘Mein Hiers’ of a very german themed hash trail and proceeded to thoroughly yet efficiently describe how trail was to begin. Virgins were introduced, including three from Rochester all in pink. German outfits were donned, exceptional examples were Cum and Feel It (hot liederhosen mien frau!), Pocket Full of Lube(nice gnome hat), a Virgin (name? schiza!), Cummando(fantastiche!) and don’t forget those pinky’s from rochester(supa!).
The hash began with blitzkrieg speed until hashers made it to some shiggy and hills where kneevagina began having flash-backs to the zombie run where he ultimately earned his name. The first BN was reached and beer was consumed with german efficiency along with streusel and pretzels. Slip and Swallow serenaded all of us with ‘the days of the week,’ and trail was resumed. Through a cemetery and up many many hills the hashers continued, Bushy Cholera even emulated to all of us why Jesus could not go hashing at one point on a life-size cross on trail.
Up more hills the hashers trudged, only for cummando to discover his co-hiers were gone!!! Apparently they had been held back making sure a virgin(lauren) could keep up, only to bail out and head back to the on-in early. Finally the hashers made it up even more hills, only to find a shot check of Jaeger and an excellent photo-op at the Schiller and Goethe statue…But wait! In the distance Goldensnowball and Fleshlight could be seen making it over the many hills to the rest of the group! So overwhelmed with excitement (reserved German excitement that is) Cummando and Fleshlight had a very humpy reunion…meanwhile PA and PCP sang and acted out how things really go down in the pleasantly-average bedroom with the yo-ho song.
‘On-on!’ was cried out as hashers continued through the streets of Syracuse in pursuit of more beer (much as the allies must’ve done in pursuit of Beerlin, they were really just going for the beer ya know, hitler was just hiding it all in a basement or something…). Through another cemetery they trudged on, when Cummando had to take the lead and run the group away from some fleshing lights (possible funeral w/ cops or just some cops fleshing their lights in the cemetery for fun). Regardless, BN was soon discovered and PA had his work cut out for him as he did what he does best: climb shit and drink beer. In fact he climbed a tree and pulled down beer for hashers to consume while everyone learned why Hitler, Mussolini, and the Soviets are like jesus: they can’t go hashing…
Through the cemetery the hashers were off to the On-In over a fence, to Cummando’s hause. allegations and accusations were made. It should be noted that at some point on trail it was discovered that a pink-laden virgin shit himself (not kidding here-true story) on trail(if he ever returns, many names have already been discussed…), and another ‘just’(name???) ran into a street sign(don’t think it was a stop sign). Much homemade German beer was consumed and wieners, German potato salad, and saurkraut were eaten with much joy and camaraderie. To everyone’s amazement (but not surprise) 2 more bottles of jaeger materialized, as did much beer! All to be consumed in an efficient manner, requiring more to be obtained later in the night. PA’s birthday was celebrated with glee and traditional birthday songs sang while cake served. Kneevagina still had a knee-vagina but did not earn himself a knee-asshole. One Trick Dick serenaded us with his musical prowess. And a not-quite-yet virgin showed up to the on after, and with much elation the hashers took her in. On discovering that she had hairy legs and pits, it was quickly determined by several authorities(Cum and Feel It, Kneevagina, Cholera, PocketFull, among others) that if she were to take up hashing with SOH4, she is to be named ‘Hot Chewbacca’ for now on (I don’t know if we can do this, but we did, she has been pre-named…deal with it).
To describe the on-after in the most efficient-german fashion with only one word, that word would be: SHOTS!!!!!! And after that, PA got kicked in the balls, Fleshlight got reprimanded in the face for that, chicken fights were held, a drunken PCP was hoisted into a car to be returned to her hause of origin. A bottle of Jaeger was lost—then found—then broken (no names will be mentioned), and still consumed!!!! Much debauchery continued in true hash-german style well into the night….Oh yeah, and PA (+his brother) lost a lot of stuff that night too (surprise surprise!).
Respectfully submitted by your hare (Mein Hier!),
Cummando Cobbler
Nummer zwei The SOH4 Hash #48 started off with some pre-lube at Cummando Cobbler’s house. Oktobeeeerest was the theme so there were a lot of knee socks, braids, funny hats, and even a beer wench. Hashers trickled in, grabbed a beer, and got ready for the adventure.
The gang circled up and introductions were made, virgins were outed, and then the hares: Cummando Cobbler, Golden Snowball, and Fleshlight, gave a little overview of the trail and basically confused everyone with some flour hieroglyphics in the driveway.
No worries, off to a good start. Until the bottom of the driveway. Some hounds checked straight and some went right. After a few minutes the call came out and we were headed in a loose pack to Lincoln Park. Up a muddy hillside and down a muddy hillside. The next couple of junctions were a tad confusing, but eventually the pack continued straight and ended up on Green Street and arrived at the first Beer Near.
There was much revelry and soon Slip had the masses singing a rousing ode to the days of the week. While Wednesday sounds fun, Tuesday sounds kind of horrifying. But no matter—hashers had their drink on and life was good. And off we went, only stopping for a photo op at a nice cross—and we hear that Jesus can’t hash anyway.
Soon we stood at the intersection of Lodi and Willow waiting for the call—would it be straight on nice flat Lodi Street or uphill through a cemetery? Many had the sneaking suspicion that the hares would choose the latter, and indeed the vague, floury hieroglyphics seemed to indicate that. Cutting across the diagonal of Rose Hill Cemetery the hashers made their way down Highland Street and were joined by a group of curious kids for a block or so.
At the corner of Park, the patrons of the Longhorn Saloon took in our hashing splendor while we pondered which direction, and decided that the vague flour mark might indicate heading right on Park. We were soon validated by an arrow directing us towards Schiller Park. Once in the park we met a Turkey-Eagle junction and the group split, rejoining at another X.
After some indecision and only an On-2, someone spotted a hare running by and yelled, “On-Hare!” and we were off again climbing. Soon hashers arrived at wondrous natural formations—a Boob Check. Despite the perfectly formed orbs, the ladies weren’t feeling it and went off to find trail. The fellas, slightly disappointed, lagged behind until they heard there was a shot stop.
Many partook in the robutussinesque Jägermeister being passed around while basking in the glory of the statue of Goethe and Schiller. It was also a great spot for an Oktobeeeerfest photo op with these sons of Germany. Then down the stairs and off. After a pretty short debate, the hashers headed back towards Eastwood. A detour into Woodlawn cemetery led the second Beer Near.
Drinking led to singing and soon we all learned why Jesus and Hitler cannot hash. The crowd seemed content to hang out and drink and sing but some light rain showers started and there was more beer waiting at the end. So on on went the hashers.
The next obstacle was a chain link fence which some hopped over with beer induced grace and others needed the aid of a pallet ladder and some helping hands. From there it was a straight shot down Teall to Cummando Cobbler’s street.
When the full group arrived we circled up. The hares received some down-downs for their flour hieroglyphics and virgins were introduced. When virgins were asked who made them come, most named a friend, one came alone, and Sucker Punch Her made four come and easily satisfied the most virgins for the day.
Various down downs were doled out and birthday greetings were given to Pleasantly Average and another hasher. A kilt clad fellow danced about and provided a clue to his hashing name and then circle concluded and the On-After began in earnest with more beer and German fare. Prost!
Respectfully submitted,
Virgin Just Luci
